The Menopause - Is it Affecting Your Marriage or is it simply Highlighting Existing Issues?
A recent survey has shown that over 60% of divorces in the UK are initiated by women in their 40s, 50s and 60s. This time frame is often when women go through perimenopause/menopause.’
The symptoms caused by the menopause can put a strain on relationships – particularly when inadequate care and understanding isn’t shown by partners.
The 2021 survey revealed that 68% of divorces, involving women, were initiated by wives, illustrating that its relatively common for a marriage to break down during a woman’s menopausal years. Divorce rates peak for couples aged 45 to 49 years old in the UK, according to the National Office for Statistics.
Whilst the menopause can’t always be the sole reason for a marriage break up, it can certainly bring to the fore issues and irritations that might have pre-existed for some time.
Perimenopause and the menopause can be a particularly challenging time for couples since the physical, mental and emotional symptoms of menopause can be overwhelming. Those going through it can be facing:
Anxiety
Depression
Lack self-confidence
Difficulty in accepting bodily changes.
Inevitably, this impacts relationships, causing new issues or highlighting existing struggles.
65% of women in the survey felt their menopausal years had negatively affected their romantic relationships, with a loss of physical intimacy being a major concern.
What can be done to save your relationship?
Many couples don’t discuss the symptoms of menopause and the levels of support that’s required. This can be a challenge given at this time of life, children have often fled the nest, therefore couples can be in the situation where they are spending more time together.
The following measures can be effective in not only combating the impact of menopause on your relationship, but also, for relationships in general.
Discuss the menopause, the changes it brings and how together you can weather the storm. As a man, the worse thing you can do is to not be willing to discuss it and just put it down to ‘women’s troubles;’ the issues are very much yours too!
Recognise when you each need space and need to be alone; once again, all couples need to understand this requirement.
Be prepared to step away from an argument – particularly if it’s getting too heated; there can be no ‘winners.’
Be patient with one another and always maintain a sense of humour.
Compliment each other. This could be for a nice meal or for the way one looks. This helps build confidence and self-esteem.
Get healthy and enjoy fitness together. Improved health makes you feel better about how you feel, the way you look and improves your mood.
Don’t be too pushy for sex. Getting irritated because of a lack of sex will simply make matters worse and serve to put her off further. Instead, give compliments on the way she looks and try to subtly build up to the event – but accept that no means no; a lack of libido is common during menopause.
Agree times when it would be mutually suitable to discuss feelings and issues rather than ‘springing’ heated conversions on your partner – often at an inappropriate moment. Communication and understanding is essential for any relationship to survive.
For further advice talk to RJS Family Law.