Maintaining a Positive Mindset During Divorce

Guest Blog by Alex McCarthy

Regardless of how long you have been married, the shift from being a married person to becoming single again is one of the most significant life changes that you can experience.  

There is no such thing as an “easy” or “painless divorce.  Even if the paperwork part of your divorce feels fairly uncomplicated, the emotional impact that you’re dealing with still has a huge part to play.

Even if you are the person who initiated proceedings, it is completely normal for you to carry feelings of pain and sadness. After all, no one first enters into a marriage expecting it to come to an end.  

There is a mourning period that takes place for the life you once had planned out and a person that you once loved. Every difficult emotion that you may be feeling right now is normal and legitimate. 

Although it’s important to recognise and feel difficult emotions as part of your healing process, maintaining an overall positive mindset is important through a divorce so that you can make the best decisions for yourself as you look towards this new chapter that awaits.  

Let us look today at 5 key ways to stay positive and strong throughout your divorce process:

1. Recognise that it takes true bravery to divorce  

Many people decide to stay in an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage out of fear. That could be fear of change, of being alone, of not wanting to take a risk. Ultimately finding the courage to divorce takes real heart.  

Congratulate yourself for wanting more for yourself and your life. 

2. Allow all your emotions to flow  

In addition to the range of emotions surrounding the change of lifestyle, divorce may bring up other memories and feelings of loss, abandonment and even loneliness.  Allow yourself to feel things as they arise. Let the tears flow and know that it’s part of your healing journey!

It’s better to release negative emotions rather than to keep them bottled up, where later they may resurface and cause more harm. 

You could even designate a “let it out time” each day where you take time to check in with yourself and give these emotions an outlet.

Picture just 10 minutes simply devoted to emotional release, whether that’s journaling, moving your body or even screaming into a pillow!

3. Be kind to yourself

 Part of staying strong and positive through a divorce should include daily practices of treating yourself with compassion and kindness.  Be gentle and take time for yourself to do mindful things that bring you calm and joy, whether that’s simply taking a bath, reading a book or listening to music.

You can also incorporate positive, powerful affirmations into your daily routine such as “I am a worthy, valuable person” or “I have the ability to overcome any challenge that I am faced with” – this is especially important when your brain is dwelling on pain of divorce and telling you otherwise. 

4. Start a gratitude practice  

Journaling three things for which you are grateful each day can be one of your positive thinking strategies.  

Taking that mindful time to observe gratitude has been proven to help with your mental focus and physical energy, helping you to stay positive and strong.  It is impossible to feel grateful and angry, or grateful and sad. Choosing gratitude is a powerful way to refocus your mind to a more positive place.

5. Recognize that your divorce does not symbolise the end of your life.  

Divorce is merely the end of one part of your life.  

You still have an exciting adventure ahead of you filled with new discoveries, new challenges, new growth and even new love.

Remind yourself that you have people in your life who truly love you for you and want to see you thrive in life.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other, be strong for yourself and watch a beautiful, new path emerge.

In summary, is completely normal to experience a full range of emotions during this pivotal and transformative period of your life.  Think of this time as a stepping stone towards something better and more in line with what you wish your life to look like.  Stay strong, stay positive and keep believing in yourself! You’ve got this!

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