How to Divorce Well!

Anyone who has gone through a divorce will most likely understand, perhaps only too well, how painful, difficult, emotional and potentially expensive the process can be. Hopefully, the new ‘no fault’ divorce; a result of the ‘Divorce Dissolution and Separation Act’ that came into force on the 6th April this year (2022), will go some way to easing the process.

Nonetheless, the process can still be tough and upsetting – not just for the couple involved, but also for children and immediate family and it can be difficult to know how to behave towards you spouse and what to say and do - as well as what not to say and do! So here are some tips on how best to expedite the process: 

1.       Get a Good Lawyer / Solicitor

Go for a good, specialist family lawyer and remember that ‘cheap’ isn’t always best since there is a lot at stake and you need to be confident in your lawyers abilities. Look for accreditations and recommendations. For example, RJS Family Law, specialise in divorce; we are also members of the ‘Law Society’ and are regulated by the ‘Solicitors Regulation Authority.’ Perhaps, most important of all, is the fact that we are linked to ‘Review Solicitors’ where clients can rate our service. Thankfully, we regularly receive 5 star reviews! This more than anything, should give people peace of mind. 

2.       Be Fair but Firm; it’s Strictly Business!

Try to always be kind and diplomatic to your ex BUT stay focussed, because to begin with it’s strictly business. Strong negotiations need to take place, through your solicitor, about money and property and you and you need to be fair, realistic  and firm;  your future financial security depends upon it!

Once you have agreed on the division of assets and liabilities as well as any future ongoing support, you can then focus on rebuilding a more amicable and perhaps – less business like relationship. 

3.       Understand Your Spouse’s Position

If you are the one ‘driving the divorce’ you will have no doubt been contemplating it for some considerable time and will therefore have come to terms with the concept. However, this quite often isn’t the case for the other party. Whilst they might or might not have been aware of your dissatisfaction, the news of filing for a divorce can often come as a shock. If this is the case, expect your ex to be frightened and upset – and expect the potential for behaviour that’s out of character and possibly unreasonable. This is simply them coming to terms with the news. Obviously, if behaviour gets out of hand, take the necessary steps to ensure your safety (and especially the safety of any children).

Hopefully, within time, the situation will become more relaxed as your ex gets used to the idea. 

4.       Protect your Children

A bitter, angry and confrontational divorce can have a huge psychological impact, not only on you – as individuals, but especially on children; this can often be lasting damage that impacts on both their happiness and schooling. It’s therefore imperative that you do not quarrel in front of them or in ear shot. Do not manipulate your children against your spouse – regardless of how much you might dislike them and never criticise them in ear shot of your children. Whilst it can be extremely difficult, strive to keep a ‘united approach’ to parenting.

It might well be the case that, whilst the divorce is going on, you are not living with your ex. If this is the case and you have children, it might well be beneficial to work out, using your solicitors, a mutually agreeable contact schedule and routine for your children. 

5.       Be Forward Looking

Even if you are going for the ‘no fault’ divorce option, try to forget any blame and issues of the past. This will more readily enable you to move forwards whilst making for a more amicable relationship with your ex – this is important if children are involved and you have shared care. 

6.       Keep Yourself in Good Shape

You need to keep yourself as physically and mentally fit as possible in order to better handle the whole process. A divorce and all it entails can be mentally and emotionally draining even for the strongest amongst us; particularly when dealing with work and children at the same time! It’s important to find your own space; a time when you can momentarily forget or not dwell upon the situation. If you haven’t  done so already, consider taking up a hobby or a sport as a distraction and make sure that you get out to see friends and family.

For further information, get in touch with RJS Family Law