Combating the 4x Most Common Divorce Fears

You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t have some fears surrounding your pending divorce; it’s a major life change and it’s human nature to be apprehensive of big changes and stepping into the unknown.

However, consider this; is it healthy to stay with someone you no longer want to be with or to try and hang on to someone that no longer wants to be with you? If you have tried relationship counselling and given it time, quite often, divorcing can be the best thing to do - not only for the two of you, but also, with relationships that have become volatile, it can often be the right decision by your children.

Let’s look at the 4 most common fears:

1. Fear for your children

People often worry about the stigma that children might face at school. The reality is that a good many of their friends parents will be divorced, single or in new relationships!

You might also worry about their mental well being and the emotional impact your divorce will have on them and rightly so. The best way to minimise this is for you and your ex put up a united front (at least in front of your children). However much you might dislike your partner, you need to understand that they love you both; they don’t want to take sides or to be stressed over divided loyalties. You and your ex (if possible) need to sit down with them and explain that you both still love them just the same and that you will still be their parents.

They will be upset and it will take time for them to adjust. However, it’s better for them to grow up in an environment without an atmosphere and confrontation and where their parents are both happy.

Understand that should your ex have a new partner, your children’s love for you will remain unconditional.  

2. Fear for your Finances

Yes; getting divorced will impact on your finances! Your standard of living, accommodation and available monies will all be impacted! Unfortunately, that’s just life.

Whilst it is important to negotiate and reach a financial settlement for both parties it is important to remember that the longer you argue and the more you dig your heels in, ironically, the more money you haemorrhage – particularly if the matter ends up in court!

Sometimes a settlement can seem quite unfair BUT you have to be willing to compromise and to focus on what really matters which is moving on. The more amicable you can be, the better the relationship with your ex and this is especially important if you have children.

Remember; your alive, you have a brain and you can re-build your finances!

3. Fear of losing your social circle

It might well be the case that you lose friends – particularly those that are aligned and close to your ex. Keep your head held up high and don’t rise to any adverse comments and rumours….it’s far better to retain a dignified silence. The truth of the matter is that ‘real’ friends will be there for you both.

One of the most important things that you can do for yourself is to be active. Indulge yourself with hobbies, clubs and gym or any other sporting activities that might take your fancy. The divorce process can take its toll on your wellbeing, therefore, it is important to maintain your health and in doing so, you might just make a whole new set of friends!

4. Fear for the Future

When you married, you assumed it was forever and that you would grow old together. Well, nothing in life is guaranteed and bad things happen – as do good things!

Your friends and family will all lend a sympathetic ear – but this will wear out in time. Understand that you can’t change what’s happened, but you can influence your future.

It’s important that, if you haven’t already got a new partner in your life, that your initial focus isn’t just on trying to find the right person. Take each day at a time and focus your energies on your work, your friends, your children and your pastimes – and if you haven’t got any hobby or pastime….then get one!

Remember, you’re not alone. In fact, you are now one of the 42% that get divorced each year! You will re-build your life, you will get your finances back on track, your children are still your children and most likely - you will love again.

At RJS Family Law, we’re not relationship counsellors! However, we ourselves have been through the divorce process and a combination of our small and friendly team and ‘one-to-one’ service is certainly a great comfort to those embarking on their divorce journey.

More importantly, we have a reputation for achieving excellent results and our FREE initial consultations are often enough to allay many fears. So, get in touch today; rjs@rjsfamilylaw.co.uk